For 20 years, I proudly served in the military, dedicating my life to protecting others and standing resilient through unimaginable circumstances. The discipline, camaraderie, and sense of purpose that military life instills can be deeply fulfilling—but it also exposes service members to extreme experiences that leave invisible wounds.
My journey is one shaped by trauma, survival, loss, and ultimately, profound personal growth. I share it today not just to tell my story, but to offer hope, insight, and encouragement to anyone facing their own battle with mental health and addiction.
The Early Fractures: Childhood Trauma and the Seeds of Struggle
Long before I stepped onto a ship or donned a uniform, my story began in a household marked by instability and trauma. Research consistently shows that adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) such as abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction significantly increase the risk of developing mental health disorders and substance use issues later in life (Felitti et al., 1998).
Unbeknownst to me, the survival skills I developed as a child—hypervigilance, emotional suppression, relentless self-reliance—would later be both assets and burdens in my military career.
The Breaking Point: Trauma in Service
The military years were filled with moments of pride and accomplishment—but also harrowing incidents that etched themselves deeply into my psyche.
A near-drowning incident in Iraq, falling from a 20-meter-high merchant vessel during a boarding operation, left me moments from death. Not long after, my boarding party narrowly escaped a suicide bomber attack, a split-second decision separating life from tragedy.
Cumulative trauma like this has a profound effect on the brain. According to research by Bremner (2006), repeated exposure to traumatic events changes brain structures such as the hippocampus, amygdala, and prefrontal cortex—areas critical for emotional regulation and memory. Over time, the constant “fight or flight” state can lead to PTSD, depression, and anxiety.
For a long time, I buried these experiences. As service members, we are taught to “soldier on,” to suppress vulnerability. But unresolved trauma doesn’t stay buried; it finds its way to the surface eventually, often when we least expect it.
The Descent: Mental Health Deterioration and Self-Medication
In the latter years of my service, my mental health began to crumble under the weight of cumulative trauma and emotional exhaustion. I eventually sought help, seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed me a cocktail of medications—antidepressants, antipsychotics, and sleeping pills—in an attempt to manage the unrelenting storm within me.
While these medications can be life-saving for many, in my case, they became a crutch without addressing the root causes. Combined with a growing dependence on alcohol to “numb out” the emotions I couldn’t face, the seeds of addiction were firmly planted.
Self-medication is common among veterans. Studies show that individuals with PTSD are two to four times more likely to struggle with substance use disorders (SUDs) compared to the general population (Jacobsen, Southwick, & Kosten, 2001). The substances offer temporary relief but ultimately entrench the cycle of despair.
Unfortunately, this led not only to a drug addiction but an alcohol one as well as a matter of coping.
Hitting Rock Bottom
As the substances took hold of my life, so too did my physical health decline. I gained over 40 kilograms, tipping the scales at 140kgs at my worst. I was a shell of the soldier I once was—physically, mentally, and spiritually.
The night that changed everything was fueled by alcohol and desperation. After an alcohol-fueled binge, I attempted to overdose on my medication, fully believing it was the end. In my mind, it felt like an act of mercy—to escape the pain I could no longer tolerate.
But fate, and the intervention of loved ones, had other plans. Around 10am the next morning, I was forcibly woken by family members. Disoriented and ashamed, I realized with crushing clarity: I was still alive. And in that devastating, humbling moment, I knew I had made a terrible mistake.
The Long Road Back: Recovery and Rebuilding
Over the next 12 months, I found myself admitted to a mental health ward—a place I never imagined I would end up. But paradoxically, it was there, stripped of pride, distraction, and denial, that the seeds of true healing were planted.
Recovery was not linear. There were setbacks, anger, hopelessness, and fear. But slowly, with the help of skilled clinicians, peer support, and evidence-based therapies like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), I began to rebuild my life.
Key lessons emerged during this time:
- Healing Requires Humility: Asking for help isn’t weakness; it’s courage.
- Trauma Must Be Confronted, Not Avoided: Suppression only prolongs suffering. Safe, therapeutic exploration is essential.
- Connection Is Medicine: Isolation fuels addiction and despair. Community—whether family, friends, peer groups, or professionals—is essential to healing.
- Hope Is a Practice: It’s not a feeling you wait for; it’s something you build, day by day.
The Impact on Family
Addiction and mental health struggles are never isolated. They ripple outward, affecting everyone around us. My journey had a profound impact on my partner and children, who lived with the uncertainty, fear, and heartache of watching someone they love disappear behind addiction’s mask.
One of my deepest commitments in recovery has been to repair those relationships—not through words alone, but through consistent action, honesty, and showing up differently. As research shows, family involvement in recovery significantly increases the chances of long-term success (Smith, 2012).
Reflection: From Survivor to Advocate
Today, I stand in a very different place. I am not defined by my addiction, my trauma, or my lowest moments. I am defined by my resilience, my willingness to fight for my life, and my commitment to help others do the same.
Surviving trauma, addiction, and a suicide attempt didn’t destroy me—it transformed me. It deepened my empathy, my understanding, and my purpose.
I now channel my lived experience into advocacy, awareness, and peer support for others walking similar paths. I am passionate about the intersection of trauma and addiction, and the importance of trauma-informed, holistic approaches to treatment.
An Invitation to Learn and Grow: AddictionZ 2025
That’s why I am profoundly honoured to be an official ambassador for AddictionZ 2025—formerly the Australian and New Zealand Addiction Conference—taking place this May on the Gold Coast.
This year’s theme, “Embracing the Hope and Healing Journey: Integrating Trauma, Treatment, Prevention, and Recovery in Addiction,” resonates deeply with my own story and the broader journey many of us are on.
AddictionZ 2025 promises to be a powerful convergence of lived experience, clinical excellence, and forward-thinking innovation. From exploring behavioural addictions to emerging treatment models and diverse recovery pathways, this conference is a must-attend for anyone passionate about making a difference in the fields of:
- Alcohol and Other Drugs (AOD)
- Mental health
- Behavioural health
- Trauma-informed care
- Peer support and lived experience leadership
If you work in these sectors—or if you simply care deeply about these issues—I encourage you to join us.
You’ll hear from leading experts, connect with practitioners, and most importantly, be reminded that hope is real, recovery is possible, and healing is a journey worth walking.
🌟 Register now and use my ambassador code NDARVILL for a special discount: 👉 Register Here
Together, let’s continue embracing the hope and healing journey.
The Veteran Counsellor Blog 